Bloodline

03/11/2016

 

 

When my grandmother was 21

Her husband tried to kill her

 

My grandfather choked his wife

Until she blacked out


While my mother watched

Unable to move from fear

 

She loved my grandfather

And so did I

 

But I didn’t hear this story

Until he was dead

 

And my grandmother

Was thousands of miles away

 

Where no one

Not even the people who love her

 

Can reach her

 

 

When I was 18

My boyfriend choked me until I blacked out

 

I remember trying to slap his face
But I just couldn’t reach

 

I cried and gasped for air

Until everything was a haze

 

The next thing I remember
Is waking up and loving him

 

Loving him the way I loved my grandfather

 

 

I don’t know what it is about us
That makes people think

 

That we deserve to be broken

That we want it

 

But it seems like the two of us have fissures

In all of the same places

 

And these cracks can’t be filled in
With promises and blood vessels

 

Both broken

 

 

As a child I wondered

Why she moved so far away from me

 

But now I know
How hard it is

 

To wake up at night

And see everyone who has ever touched you

 

Every time
You start to settle into sleep again

 

So I too wonder

If someday I will move

 

Deep into the woods

Where no one can find me

 

And tear up my dreams

 

 

 

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