When my grandmother was 21
Her husband tried to kill her
My grandfather choked his wife
Until she blacked out
While my mother watched
Unable to move from fear
She loved my grandfather
And so did I
But I didn’t hear this story
Until he was dead
And my grandmother
Was thousands of miles away
Where no one
Not even the people who love her
Can reach her
When I was 18
My boyfriend choked me until I blacked out
I remember trying to slap his face But I just couldn’t reach
I cried and gasped for air
Until everything was a haze
The next thing I remember Is waking up and loving him
Loving him the way I loved my grandfather
I don’t know what it is about us That makes people think
That we deserve to be broken
That we want it
But it seems like the two of us have fissures
In all of the same places
And these cracks can’t be filled in With promises and blood vessels
Both broken
As a child I wondered
Why she moved so far away from me
But now I know How hard it is
To wake up at night
And see everyone who has ever touched you
Every time You start to settle into sleep again
So I too wonder
If someday I will move
Deep into the woods
Where no one can find me
And tear up my dreams