10 honest thoughts on the subject of sex
I only hate the word virgin, because I am one.
I am afraid of pain.
One day I want someone look at me as if I
was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.
I couldn’t be naked for just anybody.
I couldn’t be naked for just any body.
I would need a someone to clutch, close
not just to fuck.
I would need a hand to hold, not one that simply drags me back to the bed
I know I expect too much, and fear too much
but maybe sex could be more than just collision and confusion,
more than just lust and bodies.
I know there is a profound difference between sex
and making love but
I don’t know anything about love
or how to concoct it,
how to get someone to look at you
as if you were the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.
I want to understand, so badly
but whenever I fantasize it's never me lying on the bed.
It’s some other girl.
She’s got bigger boobs, longer hair, brighter eyes.
It’s always her body that’s wrapped that of another --
Why can I not wrap my own mind around what is supposed to make me human?
I am not just anyone
and you say that’s conceited,
you say that I expect too much
but it’s only because my heart is really what’s eager.
Not just my body.
Perhaps another time, another place
in a strange city
I could break all the promises I made to a moon who was never really watching
I could give it all away to a someone whose eyes took the place of the sky
I’d look up at them instead of into the empty night and they would be the most beautiful thing I had ever seen
I wouldn’t be so afraid of pain in the time before sunrise.
Oliva Sica is a senior at Kutztown Area High School who has enjoyed poetry for as long as she can remember. She wrote her first spoken word piece in 8th grade and hasn't stopped since.