"Three Months Ago" by Rachel Tanner

05/02/2018

 

I ate 10 bowls of watermelon & bought new styling gel & some fancy curlers & red hair dye & did absolutely nothing with them & cried myself to sleep every night & drank the juice left in the watermelon bowls & spilled the juice all over my face every time & emailed my friend 8,693 words about why I was sad & chopped my hair off & really wanted a nose ring again since my ex made me get rid of my last one & wasn't brave enough to do it on my own so my nose remains unpierced & couldn’t spell the word “occasion” without Googling it first & looked for him in every green car I passed & passed a green car at least 30 times & couldn't keep the crying contained to only bedtime & wanted to join the local poetry scene & talked myself out of joining the local poetry scene & called the crisis hotline five times & installed all the dating apps & refused to talk to anyone on the dating apps & deleted all the dating apps & deleted all the pictures of my ex off my Facebook page & wished I didn't delete all the pictures of us together because I was really cute in all of them & wondered how more time hadn't passed

& somehow

I survived

longer than

I thought I would.




 

 

 

Rachel Tanner is an Alabamian writer whose work has appeared or is forthcoming in Bad Pony, Longleaf Review, Spy Kids Review, and elsewhere. She tweets @rickit.

 

 

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